“Only those who care about you can hear you when you’re quiet.”, 4. Never slept.

“I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Your account was created. Sorry for the mean, awful, accurate things I said. Mark Twain. If you look at what you don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough.”, 59. We’re glad you found them helpful! There is no one alive who is youer than you.”, 27. “One day I was born. ©2020 Verizon Media. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.”, “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”, “It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose!”, “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”, “I intend to live forever.

Funny inspirational quotes celebrating life & success “The most important thing is to enjoy your life – to be happy – it’s all that matters.” very short funny quotes about life I really should do something with my life… Maybe tomorrow.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.”, “That’s the funny thing about life. See more ideas about Funny quotes, Funny, Quotes. “There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.”—Elise (Goldie Hawn), The First Wives Club, 32. The members of Goodfeathers, the pigeons from Animaniacs, are one big Goodfellas parody. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?”—Jay Leno, 53.

I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.”, “I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. 300 Motivational & Inspirational Quotes About Words Of Wisdom, 31 Good Morning Quotes and Wishes with Beautiful Images, 34 of the Good Morning Quotes And Images Positive Energy for Good Morning, 677 Motivational & Inspirational Quotes About Success In Life, 67 Happy Morning Quotes & Sayings with Beautiful Images, 42 of the Good Morning Quotes And Images Positive Energy for Good Morning, 100 Beautiful Good Morning Quotes & Sayings About Life. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.”, “If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.”, “I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.”, “The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.”, “All my life I’ve wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought.”, “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.”, “Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”, “We’re all a little weird. “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.”—Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy, 27. Cool funny quotes 60 amusing sayings and quotations – life is crazy and hilarious, which explains why there’s plenty of funny quotes about life out there.

and costless but quality shoes cows and goats put on throughout life. It’s easy to quit smoking because I tried it thousand times. You will never get out of it alive.”, “A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”, “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. Smile because it happened.”, “I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.”, “An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.”, “Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. “Sometimes our thoughts are backed by so much insecurity, that they create lies we believe.”, 22.

We’ve got you covered…eval(ez_write_tag([[300,250],'keepinspiring_me-medrectangle-3','ezslot_1',182,'0','0'])); We’ve compiled the largest list of funny quotes to make you laugh out loud. “There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.”—Anonymous, 64. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”—Lt. The quote are so so inspiring .Thanks for sharing. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.”, “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”, “The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.”, “Do not take life too seriously. – short quotes. Keep Inspiring Me. “Spend your life doing strange things with weird people”, 57. “When people ask me how life is going”, 46. If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done. Enjoy Life Quotes. “If we’re going to pay this much for crab, it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid.”—Claire Foster (Tina Fey), Date Night, 70. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. He won’t expect it back.”, “Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.”, “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”, “I can resist everything except temptation.”, “I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. I mean, funny like I'm a clown? So to keep you healthy and happy literally, enjoy these 300 funny quotes…. Love is. Stay safe, eat cake. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”—Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld, 16.

That’s for women. “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’”—Steven Wright. Funny Love Quotes. This line is spoken by Tommy DeVito (played by Joe Pesci) in the film Goodfellas, directed by Martin Scorsese (1990).

I amuse you? “I wish people came with a 30 second trailer. I feel better already.”—Dave Barry, 55. “Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. “I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”—Anonymous, 18. “Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.”—Dorothy Parker, 90. However, the funny and entertaining moments you share will make you crave for each other’s presence even more.

“Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.”—Oscar Wilde, 81. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”, “Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.”, “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”, “Never have more children than you have car windows.”, “I drink to make other people more interesting.”, “Great art is the contempt of a great man for small art.”, “You’re only as good as your last haircut.”, “Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”, “Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.”, “I can’t understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.”, “The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.”, “Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.”, “We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.”, “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”, “If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made.

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